The Golden Couple Illusion: Why I Let Go
From the outside, we looked like a power couple. People told us they admired our marriage, called us “goals,” and even told me we were the example that gave them hope. We were both successful, in ministry, raising beautiful children, and building a life that looked good in photos. But the truth? That illusion almost killed me. Because the real story was filled with silence, sabotage, and spiritual suffocation. And when it came time to make a choice—I chose peace, even when it meant tearing down the image others clung to.
The Public Praise That Masked Private Pain
What people didn’t see was the way the relationship drained me behind closed doors. The lack of support. The way he tried to sabotage my business while still spending the money it made. The loneliness of lying next to someone who no longer saw me, cheered for me, or led our home. We were surviving off of appearances, not alignment. And I was dying inside. The pandemic brought things to a head. When everything was shut down and he still wasn’t coming home, it was like God ripped the veil off and made me face the truth: the marriage had already ended—I just hadn’t physically left yet.
Why Staying Wasn’t an Option
It would’ve been easier to stay on paper. Easier to keep pretending. Easier to avoid the questions and judgment. But I knew deep down: if I stayed, I would lose myself.
And I couldn’t model that kind of quiet destruction for my children. I couldn’t show them that being loved meant being invisible. I couldn’t teach my daughters to sacrifice their voice. I couldn’t show my sons a version of manhood that lacked honor. So I left. With fear. With faith. With a broken heart. But also with peace.
Faith Over Image: Following God’s Peace
Letting go wasn’t just emotional—it was spiritual. I had to trust that the same God who called me out would also walk me through. That He would catch the pieces and protect my kids. That He would redeem the time and the years I felt I had wasted. I stopped praying for the marriage to be restored and started praying for my own restoration. I wanted to be whole. To be healed. To be free. It wasn’t just about leaving a man. It was about leaving a mindset. A mask. A ministry that I had turned into a performance. I wanted something real.
The Unraveling During the Pandemic
During COVID, when the world was quiet and we were all forced to sit with ourselves—I realized I had been holding on to an idea of marriage, not the actual relationship. I was in love with the version of us that no longer existed. He had emotionally checked out. I had emotionally detached. The trust had eroded. The love had withered. And I finally told the truth to myself, my God, and eventually the world. I deserved better. I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t rebellious. I wasn’t giving up. I was following God’s unction.
I Chose Me—and I Chose Right
It took years to fully heal. I journaled, prayed, went to therapy, and asked myself the hard questions. Why did I get married? What did I ignore? What did I contribute? What do I need to change—not for him, but for me? Leaving a 20-year marriage is not a light thing. But staying would’ve been even heavier. And I’m not here to romanticize divorce—but I am here to say: sometimes the bravest thing you can do is walk away from what’s killing your soul. I am pro healthy marriages! I still believe in marriage, love, and all that good stuff - but it has to be healthy and mutually respected by the husband and the wife. You don’t owe anyone the version of you they expect. You owe yourself truth, alignment, and peace.
